Sunday, January 12, 2014

Informative Book Excerpt on the Topic of Construction Wardrobe

Here’s a good place to discuss an age old problem, prevalent, but not restricted to construction sites. I’m talking about plumber’s crack. Those of us who over the years have managed to expand our midriffs without proportionately expanding our hips, fall victim to this malady. Fortunately the Captain isn’t one of us. As you may have surmised from the sketches so far, I am. This phenomenon, (which can’t be unseen), is the result of when a man of my proportions kneels down. The pants go down while he shirt rises up. 

Don’t despair! There’s help! I’ve experimented with many alternative clothing combinations, and found a solution. Of course I could always join Weight Watchers and lose weight. (very unlikely).  

I’ve tried long tail t shirts, high waisted jeans, suspenders, and at last bib overalls. Once again I refer you to the sketches. You already know the option I’ve chosen. Bibs may look silly, but provide quite a few advantages. Most importantly, your butt doesn’t show, you have a slot for your pencil, large pockets for your tape, a built in hammer loop, and you can hang a screw gun from your waist (if you can find it) without your pants falling down. Best of all, the drippings from the large pizza you just consumed for lunch won’t stain your shirt. (unless you wipe your mouth with your sleeve). As a man of size, I find the latter reason the most helpful. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Delay of Games and Book Excerpt

A bit of a delay on getting the keys to the El Dorado. It would seem that the beneficiaries of the deceased's property have yet to obtain a license to sell from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Since this process can take three to four months, we're in a holding pattern for the time being.

No worries. The Mr. is using the time to putter away at the book and work through the list of repairs at our estate (also to push the snow blower up and down the driveway if the current weather prediction holds).

So here's a bit of a rant regarding, the dreaded VINYL SIDING! 

Vinyl Siding

This is perhaps, no definitely, the most tedious and least satisfying aspect of the renovation process. Even when I do a great job, I have trouble looking at this color by number system. Why, oh why, don’t folks appreciate the craftsmanship and beauty of a clapboard or shake job? Well they don’t. Get over it. 

The manufacturers of these products go to great lengths to mimic wood siding, even imprinting it with hokey wood grain patterns. The hard fact is this. Most people want a house they can hose down. Can you believe it? Maintenance free vinyl siding is the material of choice! ARGHH!  "Why then", I ask, "don’t they live in a trailer park?" Oh, you do? Never mind.

To make matters worse, I use white siding and trim exclusively. God forbid I awaken someone’s creative imagination. I top this abomination off with vinyl faux shutters for decoration. Are you ready for this? They’re black. Oh,the horror! I hope and pray that someday Mrs. Carpenter will let me buy a Victorian to restore (fat chance).

But Rule #4 applies, “There’s no crying in construction.”

- from How Hard Could it Be?